Semantics and context can make or break any relationship. Especially when considering owning up to infidelities you may have had over the course of the one relationship you actually want to work out. To put your best foot forward and ultimately come off it the most positive light you can manage on a topic most of society will be ready to gut you on regardless, the best thing to do is check your wording long before you bring up the topic. Each word carries separate connotations, as well as degrees of importance and permanence; knowing which one to use in any case will ultimately make the difference between surviving the conversation or packing up and leaving Hamilton behind to start fresh somewhere else. Either way, you can expect it’s going to hurt at least a little.
It Matters to You because It Will Matter to Her
The most important thing to remember is how she is going to define what you did. It doesn’t matter if you looked up how to cheat online if you didn’t end up doing something that meets her definition of cheating. Likewise, saying you had a fling when it was really just a one night stand can warp her opinions before you’ve really gotten to the meat of the problem. So think long and hard about how she is going to react to any of the terminology before you use it. We can only hope that you’ve been around her long enough and paid enough attention to the women you want to have this conversation with that you know if her definitions are going to more or less line up with ours, or need some tweaking to get you both on the same page.
First of all, flings involve impermanence, while cheating will usually imply sex. Figuring out if she is going to have a harder time with you having slept around behind her back, or essentially falling for someone else for an ultimately brief period of time is your first problem. Some women place a lot of emphasis on sexual fidelity, why others generally assume a bit of straying to be irritating but expected. If it’s the later, then admitting up front that you cheated on her, especially if you keep things in the past tense and imply with the initial admission that it’s already stopped is probably going to get you on the better end of things. If, however, she would be more indignant by the concept of you sleeping with another woman behind her back, than she would with you toying with the idea of dating someone else for a short while before ultimately coming back to her, you’ll want to stick with the term fling as much as you possibly can. Knowing where the terminology is going to get you with her specifically is more useful than being able to debate the general connotations of either.
Cheating is Primarily Going to Involve SexThat having been said, if started out looking for how to cheat online, chances are you were primarily concerned with the sex you either weren’t getting or couldn’t agree on with her. Most of the time, not only does cheating have the connotation of sex, but it also has a longer time frame associated with it than a fling and more prominent struggle as well. Confessing to cheating is an awful lot like confessing to an addiction and should generally be handled as such. We aren’t advocating self-diagnosis or ever using the phrase, “sex addict,” to be clear. What we do mean is approaching the use of this word when you are trying to imply a struggle. Specifically, a carnal one.
If your primary indiscretion was sleeping around with other women, or having one or more on the side primarily to get sexual satisfaction you weren’t getting in your romantic relationship, cheating is definitely the term you’re looking for. Even more so if you utilized websites to find the perfect playmate for whatever you appetite happened to be and generally don’t find yourself very emotionally attached to the people you were sleeping with. While there is some bleed over in connotations between the two and a need to take into account her personal viewpoints on these matters, most people are going to at least start with the previous definition and only add on or slightly tweak the wording.
Flings Primarily Involve Momentary Attachment
Flings, on the other hand, come off as more spur of the moment, fleeting flights of fancy than extended struggles with our most intimate desires. If you had an off and on thing with someone, or occasionally took a pretty young thing out on the town when you were on vacation, these things more than likely are better described as flings. If you were poking around for no strings attached relationships instead of how to cheat online, you’re probably looking at a fling. This is especially true if you could just as easily hangout with the other people involved without the expectation of sex as you could any other female friend you’ve had over the years. The key here is a fleeting relationship. Get to know some more cheating tactics and learn How to Have an Affair the Right Way: Strategies to Cheat Online. Visit these dating sites to get involved with someone.
It might have been based on mutual attraction, but it was not defined by lust. The definition itself may seem elusive and that is kind of the point. These are the things you hand wave away by saying they were just a fling and didn’t actually mean anything. Fling might as well be the equivalent of flirting for all that cheating is the equivalent of sex. That’s why one of the most common uses of this term is to describe something that happened over the summer between school sessions or college semesters. They are meant to be short lived with an implied termination date. There’s no stress and no commitments nor even an expectation of sex, necessarily. You’re mainly concerned with having a good time and enjoying each other’s presence.
Remember: It’s All in How You Frame It
Whichever term you decide to go with, keep in mind that the way you frame it is going to have a larger impact than the words themselves. Don’t start with the notion of infidelity if you’re talking about flings that aren’t of any consequence to you. Likewise, keep to the past tense when speaking of any instances of cheating to show it’s already something you’ve gotten out of your system by the time you decide to bring it up. Most importantly, however, is making sure that no matter your word choice or explanation, your words can never be construed to place blame on the woman you’re trying to salvage a relationship with. In the best case scenario where blame slips out, you have basically guilted her into accepting your actions, rather than treating her as a responsible human being whose acceptance and forgiveness is important to you. Even if she ultimately accepts that blame, it will become an issue in your relationship going forward. In the worst case, of course, in any way implying that your decision to cheat on her or have a fling with someone else while you were still together is a reflection of her is probably going to destroy the very thing you’re attempting to save.